Paige Caiden's Tale

Turning point.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Assalamualaikum & Greetings.
let's face this off and turned to a better way, shall we? ;)
//LTR - Mom, My younger Sis, Me
( oh my seriously weird make-up face O.O please ignore that )
hmm, the things that I've always wanted to achieve but never become true. I tried. But not too hard, yes. I'm not that hardworking, neat or even organised. Hmm. I wish I could change 100%ly to be better for myself. I felt unlucky because of the problem that I faced but I still pray for my best.
First, I didn't got a college for my second semester. My feelings are confused and feeling like I deserved it. I am the one who is too lazy to go there. Also, I've several other reason to give to the UPK but I stay shut and just consuming every words (lecture) she gave to me. Yes, I deserved it. I cried upon that and my mom get rage at me. Then, my mom called the UPK back for confirmation of my place for the next sem. Alhamdulillah, they have a conclusion. The only thing I need to do is to write a letter of reasons on why i didn't go to the college activity. For me, I couldn't lie. For me, I was being forced to just to get college. For me, how am i supposed to sit and study there calmly after i got it without the real reason? I write a simple and short apology letter and i hope they understand that i've a problem with myself. too many problem. my apologies, sincerely.
Second, I become fatter. pffft yup, no one cares and if it's annoy you please refrain from continuing. I keep on telling myself that I really could lose it if i did those and did that BUT the one thing that I lack the most is discipline. So, it's impossible. I weigh 60kg in my university for 4 month++. Then, after I got back home up until now my weight is 65kg. Congratulation, you just come back home for a month++ and gaining weight easily. Who wants the tip to become fatter, PM me ==" I exercise yesterday, then ate rice twice one full plate. Today, i eat four times. Full plate rice, of course. Hmm, now i'm bloated up. My body's immune are getting weaker because of the unhealthy foods i take, but still it is irresistable. I tried every single day but it never seems to work on me. But, other kept saying that my weight seems normal. It seems normal in the outside but the reality is i'm overweight. And it's danger, so yeah I tried losing weight. I just hope I could build up my disciplines a little bit.
Third, I become unsociable. This is internet and fat related. Because of the internet, I stuck in the room for 7 hours. Also because i am fat I didn't really like to go out often because i'm scared to get criticized. I tried to not think that way now and it feels good. A bit. The fact about my body is fat still makes me uneasy though. So, yesterday I tried shutting down my laptop and go for a stroll with my sisters and nephews. It feels awesome. Eventhough there are some encounter that usually worries me but i didn't even notice it and have fun with my sis and nephews a lot. Eventhough it was short cos' after that it rained but I felt my old character's coming back. the me who is always cheerful and happy and blablabla me. haha, proud much. I really need to do that often. That's the only way for me to owned my old posture back just to become a better me by tomorrow :) Wish me luck.
P/s : now, i feel like in dreamland. haha. Fi Amanillah, gonna watch some UAI's videos, do Isya' prayer and zzZZ(sleeps) ~