first love
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| HENRYLAU; the violin which complete piano's rhythm |
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| SUNGGYU; from the side, yeah he looks like him |
Again, I still remember him until the end of 2013. I wished to forget him this year, unfortunately it's not going smooth for me. T_T Well, I couldn't bear with this hurtful feeling anymore. So, I'll keep on remembering him anyway.
First meeting
someday in January 2008, that was when i'm in high school, form 1
I'm having a stomachache and the teacher is introducing a new transfer boy from the other class. I didn't even know his name cos' the pain that I had to bear is much important. Then, after two weeks, our homeroom teacher reshuffled our places. I sat at the second from the back of the class, but in a row with the teacher's desk. Then I first met and know him. He sat right behind me.
The feelings.
He is a humorous guy. Even when we didn't know each other too well, he could joke around with me. Once, he'll disturb me by pulling my chair or taking my stuff without my permission. It kinda of bully but I know he's kidding around. Once, the teacher called him, he didn't hear. Hence, I told him the teacher called him. then he stand sat in front of me and say "the teacher called who?" with a face that makes you wanna punch him right through. I just answered slightly that the teacher called, then he chuckles and went to the teacher's desk. That time, I realize I'm embarrassed. Cos' my classmate and best friend who sit next time said that he is too close to me - like having a feeling kinda close. Me, the innocent victim of his bully feels nothing but mad. Why? Yup, he always busy me. People said it's teasing, but for me "enough is enough!" There's some time where we would fight over how we called each other. He always refer to me as a short person, how annoying that is. Whenever we met face to face he'll pat my head and said, just admit that you're shorter. Okay, that could pissed off not just me but many other people too. But my classmate insist and said that we're a sweet couple. When he did it for the first time, i didn't feel anything, but after a few times he makes it as a hobby and I'm blushing before i know it. Why? Once, he waited for me in the class when the school's over cos' i went to send the homework to the teacher's room. it's his work, i thought he waited because he worried or such. but he waited for me because he wanted to joke around. It's not logic for me, for a guy to wait for a girl just because he wanted jokingly make me mad at him. he take my bag which unfortunate for him cos' my bag is quite heavy. we both didn't win even lose cos' i reached his bag also, then we both give up. Haha. Okay, that's that. After that, I started to develop feelings for him on how he become closer to me. In the class, he is the most handsome one. Yup, famous guy :P I never thought I could be close to a 'famous' guy. Yup, my life IS comical and dramatic.
Fate?
Then, I started to feeling that I like him. There's once our class having a cleaning sessions. That time we're suppose to be cleaning the windows. As I tried to squeeze the sponge in the bucket, he threaten me that he'll throw the water to me. I dared him to [which is not a wise step to do while you're wearing the school unifrom]. I thought he wasn't serious, then he splashed a handful of water to mu. Luckily, only a little bit splattered at my skirt. Then I gave him a look like " you better get ready to die!!" I chase him around effortlessly. then he hid behind a senior and as i tried to reached for him the senior said that don't fight or else i'll marry you two. Then we both give a "hell no!" look to him. That senior sure have a lucky wish. We did end up together. I'll tell you how.
I
As the days go on, my feelings grow fonder to him. Once, the teacher ask one of our classmate to randomly talk about something in English, after much effort then the teacher ask her to choose the guy that she hates, then he points and said his name. He walked in front proudly. He talked about something which i forgot but he wraps it up nicely. Then the teacher asked him to choose anyone he likes. If the only person that he wanted to bully on is the one he chooses, then it explain how down my head is when he choose someone. he choose my best friend who sat next to me. then when he came back to his place, he whisper " you should felt lucky i didn't pick you " then my head start think about his word, what does he mean? about someone he likes or that he gave a chance from getting bullied by him? I'm confused. Then after that day I panicking every time I met him. Once, I wanted to walk to the teacher's desk but there' no other way than between his desk and mine. owh, yeah. we reshuffled sit again. this time, we sat at the same column, the difference between our desk is just a fit for a person and a half. okay, that's weird. haha. well, I tried to walk but couldn't cos' he is sleeping while his hand is right at the end of the table, almost fell from the table. I lift his hand by holding his watch, then he suddenly gets mad about me touching his hand. damn i didn't touch his freaking hand ==" after that our condition became weird. Then fasting month had pass. Then comes Raya. I decided to tell him on my feelings. Cos' we still have a few days last week of school before school end.
D-Day! >.<
It was friday, at my friend's house. We're suppose to meet the boys at her house after Jumaat prayers. Study purpose. I become anxious because I had told his bestfriend to tell him that I like him and I hope he could answered it when he arrived at my friend's house. I'm worrying he might not come. Or his best friend didn't told him. Then, they arrived. How my heart could explode when I saw him getting off the motorcycle and give salam with a bright tone. [cute^^] I sat down quietly as my friend all go and ask his answer, then all of his friend started to ask whether it's true to me. Yup, my feelings is true. We make an eye contact and blushed. I couldn't take it anymore and ran away at the kitchen. I felt like my heart could've ripped off. Then, instead of my friend to calm me down. He come instead, I laid back to the wall, whilst he come and just slightly lean on the other side of the wall. He ask if it's true. then I said it is. Then with a chuckle, he said that he likes me too. And that's how we couple. ! the date marked was 10.10.08 :')
Problems.
after that, i got into some problems, friend problems. that problem makes me felt very down and eventually break up with him. accidentally. It was just a day that i declared it was over but the other day, I met him after school on the class. Asking if i ask him again, would he accept it. he said of course. how i felt like crying that time. [i still cried now]
Last Love :*
I promised myself that i would not break up with him anymore even if anything happens. but it did. the one triggered it is my own parents. they found out about him and i become emotionally scared. even though that my parent didn't searched about him, but i'm the one overreact and break up with him because of a wrong cause again. It was aprilfool, 1st April 2009. It hurts me to think of how I wanted to said goodnye when he is the only guy that cares for me the most. In our last days, he come to me asking whether i'm okay or not. i said i'm fine, then after he left I cried my tears out. all of my friends suddenly come and tried to calm me but i become more emotional after that. even when i'm the one who break up but it hurts me the most. but i didn't want my friend to worry so i make it all as a prank, even he believed despite of my freaking-emotional-tears-of-cries kinda face. That night, I told him. And he just said okay. And after that he become cold to me. Since that day, i regret and swore that i'll never fall in love again. yup, i always hooked up with wrong guy after him. curse him for cursing my love lines. ==" I tried to get him back after the break up but he rejects coldly. I understand my actions are dumb but that's all because of you. Now, thanks because you just turned me into a crazy loyal person. Why? Even if i'm in a relationship, my heart would beat for him. That's why i'm in a relationship even just liking is wrong. Cos' the guy I could love is just him. The one who is closest to me would understand me.
For me this post is a valuable and cherish moment in y life throughout my 18 years of living. I never regret on loving a boy wholeheartedly like that. That's why, you're my last love. Even when you ignored me, hate me, dislike me, i'll stay just like who i am inside, the one who couldn't forget a freaking boy that makes her become a loyal person. Now, I need to catch my breath, it's been a while since I tell someone about my story. It's tragic yet dramatic right? Yup, my life is comical and dramatic. Yet tragic :')
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